Sweat It Out: A Self-Esteem Campaign

TELL YOUR STORY

This site is meant to share the ways in which we have struggled to develop strong self-esteem and personal power. The best thing we can do is share our stories with each other about the highs and lows of establishing our self-esteem.  Please use the comment section and share your story, we want to hear!

6 Comments

6 responses so far ↓

  • leemega // April 24, 2008 at 8:10 pm | Reply

    Today I accomplished a HUGE hurdle in the life of a graduate student – I made it through my dissertation proposal meeting. This means that the work I proposed to study for dissertation is supported by my committee. Of course pending major revisions (argh..). Afterwards, I found myself relived but also struggling with self-defeating thoughts such as, “It wasn’t good enough” or feeling embarrassed that they critiqued that. I spent the rest of the afternoon being aware of the self-defeating thoughts and reflections that were occurring. However, what made these thoughts okay is my ability to not let the thoughts control me.

    “It is never too late for any of us to look at our minds. We can always sit down and allow the space for anything to arise. Without judging, wihtout buying into likes and dislikes, we can always encourage ourselfs to just be here again and again and again….

    The painful thing is that when buy into disapproval, we are practicing disapproval. When we buy into harshness, we are practicing harshness. The more we do it, the stronger these qualities become. How sad it is that we become so expert at causing harm to ourselves and others. The trick then is to practice gentleness and letting go. We can learn to meet whatever arises with curiosity and not make it such a big deal. Instead of struggling agains the force of confusion, we could meet it and relax. When we do that, we gradually discover that clarity is always there.” (Pema Chodron, 1997, p. 27 in When Things Fall Apart).

    The tools I’ve learned to employ when dealing with feelings of harmful thoughts to my self-esteem are (1) awareness of the thoughts, (2) I say ”thinking” when they arise and running freely, by saying “thinking” it brings me back to that thought which ultimately allows the thought to be present, but when I am aware of the thought it can not run endlessly. (3) I will struggle with the self-defeating thoughts for many days after this proposal meeting probably, and I will be patient with myself, and I will allow my thoughts to exist but they will not run free to harm me.

  • heidiloebach // April 30, 2008 at 11:08 am | Reply

    I cleared the largest hurdle of my graduate career today – I defended my Masters project and I passed!!!

    I’m really excited, but I couldn’t help but think back to the introduction to the book Schoolgirls by Peggy Orenstein when she is talking about how she “felt like a fraud”. I can definitely relate – even now that I have successfully defended my graduate work, I still feel inadequate. I still feel as though I’ll be discovered, unmasked and cast out of my profession. It is totally ludicrous that I feel this way – I’ve done my work, I’ve attended class, I’ve passed my certification exams. I just never feel like I am good enough.

    I realize that these are harmful thoughts and I have been working hard to try to combat them in positive ways. The interview processes that I am currently experiencing have actually helped a lot, because I am often asked to describe my strengths and weaknesses. I never say that I don’t feel good enough – because deep down, I know I am!!

  • CONGRATS HEIDI! « Sweat It Out: A Self-Esteem Blog // April 30, 2008 at 1:02 pm | Reply

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  • keegs // May 20, 2008 at 5:15 pm | Reply

    Hi out there. I heard of this website just yesterday from the Barometer. I have been a person easy to hack away at myself esteem my whole life. I too have often not felt good enough, or deserving of all the gifts that I feel that I have. I’ve recognized that other women feel the same feelings too and that I am not alone.

    Anyway, my path has lead me to undertake on an undergraduate thesis where I am doing a study to help women feel better about themselves and the way that they feel about life around being physically active. Women especially are self-critical and harsh on themselves as they exercise or think about exercising. To help to turn that around I am investigating whether or not using some eastern philosophical techniques, like ones suggested by Pema Chodron, so nicely quoted in leemega’s quote above. The techniques are different ways to stop the suffering we cause ourselves. And instead engage in thoughts and behaviors that let us be happy.

    I’m still in the recruitment stage for study participants, so if there is anyone (women) that are interested please let me know. I hope it is okay I just said that. I am honestly nervous that I won’t have any interest in the study at all. Hopefully that won’t be the case.

  • keegs // May 20, 2008 at 5:16 pm | Reply

    By the way, if there is any interest please e-mail fitzgerk@onid.orst.edu

  • Megan // May 21, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Reply

    keegs,

    This sounds like a great project you are working on. Thanks for bringing your project to our attention. I’m sure people will be interesting, you’ll just need to get to right source for recruitment.

    Megan

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